谁有《无所不知先生》原文?
发布网友
发布时间：2022-05-01 14:05
共3个回答
热心网友
时间：2022-04-21 22:14
毛姆
我简直是在还没弄清麦克斯·开拉达是谁的时候，就非常讨厌他了。那时战争刚刚结束，远洋轮上的旅客十分拥挤。要想找到一个舱位非常困难，不论船上的工作人员给你找个什么地方，你都只好凑合着待下。你根本不可能找到一个单人舱。我算是很幸运，住进了一间只有两个床位的舱房。但我一听到我那位同伴的名字，就马上觉得心里凉了半截。它让我立即想起了紧闭着的窗孔和通夜严格密闭的舱房。我是从旧金山到横滨去的，同任何人在一间舱房里度过十四个昼夜就已经够受了，可要是我这位同行的旅客就叫个史密斯或者布朗什么的，那我的心情也不会那么沉重了。 我一上船，就看到开拉达先生的行李已经摊在下铺上。那样子我一看就讨厌：几个手提包上全挂满了各式各样的小牌子，装衣服的皮箱也实在太大。他已经打开了梳洗的用具，我看出他显然是上等“柯蒂先生化妆品”的一位老主顾，因为在脸盆边上我看到了他的香水、洗发膏和头油。开拉达先生用金色花纹刻着名字的各种乌木刷子，本身倒实在应该刷洗一番了。我真是丝毫也不喜欢这位开拉达先生。因此我跑到吸烟室去了。我到柜台边去要来一副纸牌，一个人摆着玩。我几乎是刚刚拿起牌，便忽然有个人走过来对我说，他想我的名字一定叫什么什么的，不知对不对。 “我是开拉达先生，”他接着补充说，并微微一笑，露出了一排闪亮的牙齿，接着他就坐下了。 “噢，对了，我想我们俩共住一个舱房。” “我把这看成是一件很幸运的事。你事先永远不知道你将和什么人住在一起，我一听说你是英国人就感到非常高兴。我赞成咱们英国人在国外的时候，大家总抱成一团儿，你当然明白我的意思。” 我眨巴眨巴眼睛。 “你是英国人吗?”我问得可能有点不得体。 “没错。你难道觉得我看着像美国人吗?我可是彻头彻尾的英国人。” 为了证明这一点，开拉达先生从他口袋里掏出一张护照，在我的鼻子下面使劲晃着。 乔治英王治理下真是什么样奇怪的臣民都有。开拉达先生身材矮小，可非常健壮，黑黑的脸膛刮得干干净净的，一个很大的鹰钩鼻子，一双水汪汪的大眼睛。他的黑色的长发很亮，一缕缕蜷曲着。他口齿流利，但丝毫没有英国人的口音，而且老不停地打着各种手势。我几乎十分肯定，要是把他那份英国护照拿来仔细检查检查，准会看出开拉达先生实际上是在一个比英国所能看到的更蓝的天空下出生的。 “你来点儿什么?”他问我。 我带着怀疑的神态看着他。当时禁酒令还没撤销，很显然这船上肯定一滴酒也不会有。不渴的时候，我也说不清我最讨厌的是什么饮料，是姜汁汽水还是柠檬汽水。可是开拉达先生却向我露出了一丝东方人的微笑。 “威士忌苏打水，或一杯什么也不掺的马丁尼酒，全都行，你只要说一声好了。” 说着他从他后面两个裤兜里各掏出一瓶酒来，放在我面前的桌子上。我愿意喝马丁尼，于是他向招待员要了一碟冰和两个玻璃杯子。 “这倒是很好的鸡尾酒。”我说。 “你瞧，这玩意儿我可有的是，船上要有你的什么朋友，你可以告诉他们，你结识了一个哥们儿，他那儿全世界所有的酒都应有尽有。” 开拉达先生很爱闲聊。他谈到纽约和旧金山。他喜欢讨论戏剧、绘画和*。他非常爱国。英国国旗是一块颇能令人肃然起敬的布片儿，可是如果让一位从亚历山大港或贝鲁特来的先生去挥舞它，我却不能不感到它多少有点失去了原来的威严。开拉达先生很随和。我不喜欢装模作样，可是我仍然感觉到，在和一个完全陌生的人谈话时，他在我的名字前面加上一个先生之类的称呼，那还是必要的。开拉达先生无疑是为了让我不要感到生疏，对我并没有使用这类虚礼。我真不喜欢开拉达先生。当他坐下的时候，我已经把牌放在一边，可是现在，我想到我们才不过第一次见面，刚才这段谈话应该已经够长了，于是我又开始玩我的牌了。 “那个3应该放在4上，”开拉达先生说。 在你一个人玩牌的时候，你翻起一张牌还没看清是个什么点子，旁边却有一个人告诉你这张牌该往哪儿放，天下再没有任何比这更让人厌烦的事了。 “马上就通了，马上就通了，”他叫喊着。“这张10应该放在J上。” 我带着满腔愤怒和厌恶玩完了那把牌。他马上把牌抓了过去。 “你喜欢用牌变戏法吗?” “不喜欢，我讨厌用牌变戏法。”我回答说。 “来，我让你瞧瞧这一手儿。” 他接连给我变了三种戏法。我对他说，我要到饭厅去占个位子。 “噢，那你甭操心了，”他说，“我已经替你占了一个位子。我想咱们俩既然同住一个舱房，那咱们完全可以就在一块儿吃饭吧。” 我可真不喜欢开拉达先生。 我不仅和他同住一间房，一天三次同在一张桌上吃饭，而且我要是想在甲板上散散步也没法甩掉他。你根本没有办法让他识趣点儿。他压根儿永远想不到别人不愿意跟他在一块儿。他始终认为你一定和他喜欢你一样喜欢他。要在你自己家里，你可以一脚把他踢下楼去，冲着他的脸砰的一声把门关上，他却还丝毫没想到，他是一个不受欢迎的客人。他跟谁都合得来，不出三天，船上所有的人他都认识了。他什么事都管，他帮助进行船上的清扫活动，他处理拍卖，他为比赛活动敛钱作奖金，他组织投环和高尔夫球比赛，组织音乐会，还管安排化装舞会。你不管什么时候，在任何地方，都能见到他。他在船上肯定无人不恨。我们都叫他无所不知先生，甚至当面也这么叫他。他把这看成是对他的一种恭维。而他最让人难以忍耐的，是在吃饭的时候。差不多足足一小时，他总让我们全都听着他的。他非常热忱，喜欢说笑，的确非常能言善辩。不论谈什么问题，他比谁都知道得更透彻，而且谁要是不同意他的意见，就会挫伤他那不可一世的虚荣心。不管谈一个什么哪怕是极不重要的问题，在他没有让你完全信服他的说法以前，他决不肯撒手。他永远想不到他也可能会出错。他仿佛就是什么都知道。我们和一位大夫同坐在一张桌子旁。开拉达先生当然可以让一切都按他的意思安排，因为那位大夫非常懒散，而我是对什么都完全无所谓的，倒只有一个也是坐在那张桌子旁的叫南塞的人比较麻烦一些。他和开拉达先生一样非常武断，而且对那种一味自以为是的态度十分痛恨。他们两人之间时断时续的争论已显得十分尖酸了。 南塞在美国使馆工作，驻地是神户。他是出身在美国中西部的一个块头很大的小伙子，多余的脂肪让他的皮肤绷得很紧，又因穿着一身买来的现成衣服，到处显着鼓鼓囊囊的。他这是又回到使馆去，因为他的妻子回家去待了一年，他不久前坐飞机回纽约去接他的妻子来了。南塞太太是一个身材矮小的女人，态度和蔼，讲话很幽默。使馆工作工资不多，她的衣服总穿得非常简单；但她很知道怎样打扮自己。她总让你看着感到有一种不同一般的味道。要不是因为她有一种也许一般女人都有，而现在在她们的言行中不常见到的那种气质，我也许根本不会注意到她了。你不论什么时候看她一眼，都不能不对她的谦虚神态产生深刻的印象。那神态简直像绣在她外衣上的一朵花一样。 有一天晚上，在晚饭桌边无意谈到了珍珠问题。那会儿的报纸上曾经大谈聪明的日本人正在用人工的办法培育珍珠。那位大夫说，这样将不可避免地使天然珍珠的价格下降。人工珍珠现在看来就已经很好了，不要很久肯定就完全可以乱真。开拉达先生，一如他对任何问题一样，马上对这个新问题大发议论。他对我们讲述了关于珍珠的各方面的知识。我相信南塞对那些知识恐怕根本一无所知，可是他一抓到机会就忍不住要刺他一下。就这样，不到五分钟，一场激烈的争论便在我们中间展开了。过去我已看到过开拉达先生情绪激烈、滔滔不绝地发表他的议论，可是还从来没见他像现在这样激烈过。最后南塞又讲了句什么激怒他的话，他一拍桌子，大叫着说：
“听着，我讲的话可全是有根据的。我现在就是要到日本去研究一下日本养殖珍珠的事业。我是干这一行的，你去问任何一个内行人，他都会告诉你我所讲的没有一句不是事实。世界上最好的珍珠我全都知道。关于珍珠，如果还有什么我不知道的问题，那些问题也肯定只是微不足道的。” 这对我们却是一个新闻，因为开拉达先生尽管非常健谈，可对谁也没讲过他是干什么的，我们只模糊地知道他到日本去是要进行某种商业活动。他这时十分得意地看着桌上所有的人。 “不管他们用什么办法培育，像我这样的专家永远一眼就能看出它是人工培育的。”他用手一指南塞太太戴的一条项链。“听我的话，你就放心吧，南塞太太，你戴的那根项链将来就决不会因此少值一分钱。” 天性谦虚的南塞太太不免脸一红，顺手把那项链塞进衣服里去了。南塞向前探过头来。他对我们所有的人看了一眼，脸上含着微笑。 “南塞太太的项链真够漂亮的，是吧?” “我一见就注意到了，”开拉达先生回答说。“嗨，我当时心里想，这几颗珍珠可真不错。” “当然，这项链不是我买来的。可我倒很想知道你认为这项链值多少钱。” “噢，按正式价格大约在一万五千美元上下。可要是你们在五马路买的，你要说花了三万美元我也不会觉得奇怪。” 南塞皱着眉头笑着。 “我要一说，你可能会觉得奇怪了。这项链是南塞太太在我们离开纽约的前一天，在一家百货店里买来的，总共只花了十八个美元。”开拉达先生不禁满脸通红。 “胡扯。这不仅是真的，而且在这样大小的珍珠里，这串珍珠还是我所见到的最好的货色。” “你愿意打赌吗?我跟你赌一百美元，这是假的。” “说定了。” “噢，艾尔默，你不能拿一件十拿九稳的事去跟人打赌啊，”南塞太太说。 她脸上露出一丝淡淡的微笑，话音虽然很温柔，但显然十分不愿意他那样干。 “为什么不能?既然有机会白捡一笔钱，我要是不捡，那可是天下最大的傻瓜。” “可这又怎么去证明呢?”她接着说。“总不能光听我的，或光听开拉达先生的。” “让我细看看这项链，要是假的，我马上就会告诉你们，输一百块钱我倒是不在乎的，”开拉达先生说。 “取下来吧，亲爱的。让这位先生好好瞅个够。” 南塞太太犹豫了一会儿。她把她的双手放在项链的卡子上。 “我打不开这卡子，”她说。“开拉达先生完全应该相信我说的话。” 我忽然感到恐怕一件很不幸的事马上要发生了，可我一时也想不出该说点什么。 南塞一跳，站了起来。 “我给你打开。” 他把那链子递给开拉达先生。那位自以为是的先生从口袋里掏出放大镜来仔细看了一会儿。在他光滑暗黑的脸上慢慢露出了胜利的微笑。他把项链交了回去。他正准备讲话。忽然间，他看到了南塞太太的脸。那脸色一片铁青，她似乎马上就要昏倒了。她圆睁着一双恐惧的大眼睛望着他，完全是一副苦苦哀求的神态；那神情是那样明显，我只能奇怪她丈夫为什么竟会没有注意到。 开拉达先生张着大嘴愣住了。他满脸涨得通红。你几乎可以看到他在内心进行的激烈斗争。 “我弄错了，”他说。“这是做得非常精巧的仿制品，可当然，我用放大镜一看就马上知道这不是真的。我想这破玩意儿大约顶多也就值十八块钱。” 他掏出他的皮夹子，从里面拿出了一张一百元的钞票。他一句话没说，把钱交给了南塞。 “这也许可以给你一个教训，让你以后别再这样自以为是了，我的年轻朋友。”南塞在接过钞票的时候说。 我注意到开拉达先生的手直发抖。 可以想像这件事马上在全船传开了，那天晚上他不得不忍受了许多人的冷嘲热讽。无所不知先生终于露了底儿，这可真是一件让人开心的大笑话。可是南塞太太却叫着头疼回到舱房去了。 第二天早晨，我起床后开始刮脸。开拉达先生躺在床上，抽着一支香烟。忽然我听到一阵轻微的摩擦声，接着看到有人从贴地的门缝里塞进一封信来。我打开门出去看了看。门外什么人也没有。我捡起那封信，看到上面写的是开拉达先生。那名字是用印刷体字母写的。我把信交给了他。 “谁来的?”他把信拆开了。“噢!” 他从信封里掏出来的不是一封信，却是一张一百元的钞票。他看着我，又一次脸红了。他把那信封撕得粉碎，把它交给我。 “劳你驾从窗孔扔出去，好吗?” 我替他扔掉了，然后我笑着望着他。 “谁也不愿意让人瞧着像一个地地道道的大傻瓜。”他说。 “那些珍珠是真的吗?” “我要有一个漂亮老婆，我决不会自己住在神户，让她一个人在纽约待上一年。”他说。 到这时，我不再那么不喜欢开拉达先生了。他伸手摸出他的皮夹子，小心地把那一百元钞票放了进去。
黄雨石译
热心网友
时间：2022-04-21 23:32
Enjoy
Mr. Know All
I was prepared to dislike Max Kelada even before I knew him. The war had just finished and the passenger traffic in the ocean-going liners was heavy. Accommodation was very hard to get and you had to put up with whatever the agents chose to offer you. You could not hope for a cabin to yourself and I was thankful to be given one in which there were only two berths. But when I was told the name of my companion my heart sank. It suggested closed portholes and the night air rigidly excluded. It was bad enough to share a cabin for fourteen days with anyone (I was going from San Francisco to Yokohama, but I should have looked upon it with less dismay if my fellow passenger`s name had been Smith or Brown.
When I went on board I found Mr Kelada`s luggage already below. I did not like the look of it; there were too many labels on the suit-cases, and the wardrobe trunk was too big. He had unpacked his toilet things, and I observed that he was a patron of the excellent Monsieur Coty; for I saw on the washing-stand his scent, his hair-wash and his brilliantine. Mr Kelada`s brushes, ebony with his monogram in gold, would have been all the better for a scrub. I did not at all like Mr Kelada. I made my way into the smoking-room. I called for a pack of cards and began to play patience. I had scarcely started before a man came up to me and asked me if he was right in thinking my name was so and so.
"I am Mr Kelada," he added, with a smile that showed a row of flashing teeth, and sat down.
"Oh, yes, we`re sharing a cabin, I think."
"Bit of luck, I call it. You never know who you`re going to be put in with. I was jolly glad when I heard you were English. I`m all for us English slicking together when we`re abroad, if you understand what I mean."
I blinked.
"Are you English?" I asked, perhaps tactlessly.
"Rather. You don`t think I look like an American, do you? British to the backbone, that`s what I am."
To prove it, Mr Kelada took out of his pocket a passport and airily waved it under my nose.
King George has many strange subjects. Mr Kelada was short and of a sturdy build, clean-shaven and dark-skinned, with a fleshy hooked nose and very large, lustrous and liquid eyes. His long black hair was sleek and curly. He spoke with a fluency in which there was nothing English and his gestures were exuberant. I fell pretty sure that a closer inspection of that British passport would have betrayed the fact that Mr Kelada was born under a bluer sky than is generally seen in England.
"What will you have?" he asked me.
I looked at him doubtfully. Prohibition was in force and to all appearance the ship was bone-dry. When I am not thirsty I do not know which I dislike more, ginger ale or lemon squash. But Mr Kelada flashed an oriental smile at me.
"Whisky and soda or a dry martini, you have only to say the word."
From each of his hip pockets he fished a flask and laid it on the table before me. I chose the martini, and calling the steward he ordered a tumbler of ice and a couple of glasses.
"A very good cocktail," I said.
"Well, there are plenty more where that came from, and if you`ve got any friends on board, you tell them you`ve got a pal who`s got all the liquor in the world."
Mr Kelada was chatty. He talked of New York and of San Francisco. He discussed plays, pictures, and politics. He was patriotic. The Union Jack is an impressive piece of drapery, but when it is nourished by a gentleman from Alexandria or Beirut, I cannot but feel that it loses somewhat in dignity. Mr Kelada was familiar." I do not wish to put on airs, but I cannot help feeling that it is seemly in a total stranger to put "mister" before my name when he addresses me. Mr Kelada, doubtless to set me at my case, used no such formality. I did not like Mr Kelada. I had put aside the cards when he sat down, but now, thinking that for this first occasion our conversation had lasted long enough, I went on with my game.
"The three on the four," said Mr Kelada.
There is nothing more exasperating when you are playing patience than to be told where to put the card you have turned up before you have had a chance to look for yourself.
"It`s coming out, it`s coming out," he cried. "The ten on the knave."
With rage and hatred in my heart I finished.
Then he seized the pack.
"Do you like card tricks?"
"No, I hate card tricks," I answered.
"Well, I`ll just show you this one."
He showed me three. Then I said I would go down to the dining-room and get my seat at table.
"Oh, that`s all right," he said. "I`ve already taken a seat for you. I thought that as we were in the same state-room we might just as well sit at the same table."
I did not like Mr Kelada.
I not only shared a cabin with him and ate three meals a day at the same table, but I could not walk round the deck without his joining me. It was impossible to snub him. It never occurred to him that he was not wanted. He was certain that you were as glad to see him as he was to see you. In your own house you might have kicked him downstairs and slammed the door in his face without the suspicion dawning on him that he was not a welcome visitor. He was a good mixer, and in three days knew everyone on board. He ran everything. He managed the sweeps, concted the auctions, collected money for prizes at the sports, got up quoit and golf matches, organized the concert and arranged the fancy-dress ball. He was everywhere and always. He was certainly the best haled man in the ship. We called him Mr Know-All, even to his face. He took it as a compliment. But it was at mealtimes that he was most intolerable. For the better part of an hour then he had us at his mercy. He was hearty, jovial, loquacious and argumentative. He knew everything better than anybody else, and it was an affront to his overweening vanity that you should disagree with him. He would not drop a subject, however unimportant, till he had brought you round to his way of thinking. The possibility that he could be mistaken never occurred to him. He was the chap who knew. We sat at the doctor`s table. Mr Kelada would certainly have had it all his own way, for the doctor was lazy and I was frigidly indifferent, except for a man called Ramsay who sat there also. He was as dogmatic as Mr Kelada and resented bitterly the Levantine`s cocksureness. The discussions they had were acrimonious and interminable.
Ramsay was in the American Consular Service and was stationed at Kobe. He was a great heavy fellow from the Middle West, with loose fat under a tight skin, and he bulged out of this really-made clothes. He was on his way back to resume his post, having been on a flying visit to New York to retell his wife who had been spending a year at home. Mrs Ramsay was a very pretty little thing, with pleasant manners and a sense of humour. The Consular Service is ill-paid, and she was dressed always very simply; but she knew how to wear her clothes. She achieved an effect of quiet distinction. I should not have paid any particular attention to her but that she possessed a quality that may be common enough in women, but nowadays is not obvious in their demeanour. You could not look at her without being struck by her modesty. It shone in her like a flower on a coat.
One evening at dinner the conversation by chance drifted to the subject of pearls. There had been in the papers a good deal of talk about the culture pearls which the cunning Japanese were making, and the doctor remarked that they must inevitably diminish the value of real ones. They were very good already; they would soon be perfect. Mr Kelada, as was his habit, rushed the new topic. He told us all that was to be known about pearls. I do not believe Ramsay knew anything about them at all, but he could not resist the opportunity to have a fling at the Levantine, and in five minutes we were in the middle of a heated argument. I had seen Mr Kelada vehement and voluble before, but never so voluble and vehement as now. At last something that Ramsay said stung him, for he thumped the table and shouted:
"Well, I ought to know what I am talking about. I`m going to Japan just to look into this Japanese pearl business. I`m in the trade and there`s not a man in it who won`t tell you that what I say about pearls goes. I know all the best pearls in the world, and what I don`t know about pearls isn`t worth knowing."
Here was news for us, for Mr Kelada, with all his loquacity, had never told anyone what his business was. We only knew vaguely that he was going to Japan on some commercial errand. He looked round the table triumphantly.
"They`ll never be able to get a culture pearl that an expert like me can`t tell with half an eye." He pointed to a chain that Mrs Ramsay wore. "You take my word for it, Mrs Ramsay, that chain you`re wearing will never be worth a cent less than it is now."
Mrs Ramsay in her modest way flushed a little and slipped the chain inside her dress. Ramsay leaned forward. He gave us all a look and a smile flickered in his eyes.
"That`s a pretty chain of Mrs Ramsay`s, isn`t it?"
"I noticed it at once," answered Mr Kelada. "Gee, I said to myself, those are pearls all right."
"I didn`t buy it myself, of course. I`d be interested to know how much you think it cost."
"Oh, in the trade somewhere round fifteen thousand dollars. But if it was bought on Fifth Avenue shouldn`t be surprised to hear that anything up to thirty thousand was paid for it."
Ramsay smiled grimly.
"You`ll be surprised to hear that Mrs Ramsay bought that siring at a department store the day before we left New York, for eighteen dollars."
Mr Kelada flushed.
"Rot. It`s not only real, but it`s as fine a siring for its size as I`ve ever seen."
"Will you bet on it? I`ll bet you a hundred dollars it`s imitation."
"Done."
"Oh, Elmer, you can`t bet on a certainty," said Mrs Ramsay.
She had a little smile on her lips and her tone was gently deprecating.
"Can`t I? If I get a chance of easy money like that I should be all sorts of a fool not to take it."
"But how can it be proved?" she continued. "It`s only my word against Mr Kelada`s."
"Let me look at the chain, and if it`s imitation I`ll tell you quickly enough. I can afford to lose a hundred dollars," said Mr Kelada.
"Take it off, dear. Let the gentleman look at it as much as he wants."
Mrs Ramsay hesitated a moment. She put her hands to the clasp.
"I can`t undo it," she said. "Mr Kelada will just have to take my word for it."
I had a sudden suspicion that something unfortunate was about to occur, but I could think of nothing to say.
Ramsay jumped up.
"I`ll undo it."
He handed the chain to Mr Kelada. The Levantine look a magnifying glass from his pocket and closely examined it. A smile of triumph spread over his smooth and swarthy face. He handed back the chain. He was about to speak. Suddenly he caught sight of Mrs Ramsay`s face. It was so white that she looked as though she were about to faint. She was staring at him with wide and terrified eyes. They held a desperate appeal; it was so clear that I wondered why her husband did not see it.
Mr Kelada stopped with his mouth open. He flushed deeply. You could almost see the effort he was making over himself.
"I was mistaken," he said. "It`s a very good imitation, but of course as soon as I looked through my glass I saw that it wasn`t real. I think eighteen dollars is just about as much as the damned thing`s worth."
He took out his pocket book and from it a hundred-dollar bill. He handed it to Ramsay without a word.
"Perhaps that`ll teach you not to be so cocksure another time, my young friend," said Ramsay as he took the note.
I noticed that Mr Kelada`s hands were trembling.
The story spread over the ship as stories do, and he had to put up with a good deal of chaff that evening. It was a fine joke that Mr Know-All had been caught out. But Mrs Ramsay retired to her state-room with a headache.
Next morning I got up and began to shave. Mr Kelada lay on his bed smoking a cigarette. Suddenly there was a small scraping sound and I saw a letter pushed under the door. I opened the door and looked out. There was nobody there. I picked up the letter and saw that it was addressed to Max Kelada. The name was written in block letters. I handed it to him.
"Who`s this from?" He opened it. "Oh!"
He took out of the envelope, not a letter, but a hundred-dollar bill. He looked at me and again he reddened. He tore the envelope into little bits and gave them to me.
"Do you mind just throwing them out of the porthole?" I did as he asked, and then I looked at him with a smile.
"No one likes being made to look a perfect damned fool," he said.
"Were the pearls real?"
"If I had a pretty little wife I shouldn`t let her spend a year in New York while I stayed at Kobe," said he.
At that moment I did not entirely dislike Mr Kelada. He reached out for his pocket book and carefully put in it the hundred-dollar note.
热心网友
时间：2022-04-22 01:07
我在见到凯兰达之前就有点不喜欢他。
第一次世界大战刚刚结束，横渡太平洋的航线非常繁忙，客舱是很难预订到的。我很高兴，弄到一个双人客舱，但当听到同伴的名字时，我就有点灰心了。“凯兰达”，这使我有一种在空气窒息不流通的房间里的感觉。想起在这14天的旅途中（我从圣弗兰西斯科到横滨），将和这个凯兰达共用一间房，我就感到不舒服。我讨厌他的名字，要是他叫史密斯或者布朗什么的也好一点。
上船后，我来到客舱，发现凯兰达已经来过。一只又大又难看的衣箱和一个贴满标签的手提箱放在他的床下，脸盆架上摆着他的香水，洗发精和润发油，檀木做的牙刷上镀金印着他的名字缩写。
我不喜欢凯兰达。
在吸烟室里，我要了一副单人玩的纸牌，正准备开始玩的时候，一个人走了过来向我问好。
“我是凯兰达。”他在我面前坐下，笑着露出一排雪白的牙齿。
“哦，我们好像住在一个房间。”
“听说你是英国人，我感到很高兴。在海外遇到自己的同胞，确实让人激动。”
“你是英国人？”
“当然，我是一个地地道道的英国人。”说着他拿出他的护照递给我。
“想喝点什么吗？”他问道。
我疑惑起来。美国正在实行禁酒令，船上是找不到一滴酒的，但是凯兰达狡黠地朝我笑了笑。
“威士忌，苏打还是鸡尾酒，你只要说一声就可以。”说着，他从后裤袋里摸出两个瓶子，放在我面前的桌子上，我兴奋起来，找服务员要了两个玻璃杯和一些冰块。
“嗯，不错”我说。
“是的，我这里还有好多这样的酒，船上如果还有你的朋友的话，你可以把他们都叫来。”我没有说什么。
接着他跟我讲起纽约、圣弗兰西斯科，谈到戏剧、给画和*。他很健谈，好长时间都是他一个人在那里滔滔不绝地说着。
我有点厌烦了，重新拿起我的牌。
“你喜欢纸牌魔术吗？”
“不喜欢。”我又开始讨厌他了。
“我来给你表演一个。”他抽出三张牌递给我。但我没有理他，说我要去餐厅找个座位。
“哦，很好，我已经为我们俩订了座位，我想我们应该坐在一块儿。”
我不喜欢凯兰达。
他不但和我住在一个房间，而且一天三餐都非要和我挤在一张桌子上吃饭。不论我在什么地方，都无法摆脱他。要是在我家里的话，我一定会在他面前“砰”的把门关上，让他明白自己是一个不受欢迎的人。
凯兰达擅长交际，在船上的第三天，就差不多认识了所有的人。他什么事都干：主持拍卖，筹集体育资金，组织高尔夫球赛，安排音乐会，举办化装舞会。我想大家一定有点讨厌他。我们都叫他“万事通”先生，甚至在他面前也是这样。他对此并不在乎，把这当作我们对他的恭维。
二
凯兰达非常健谈，并且喜好同别人争论，特别是在吃饭的时候。我们简直难以忍受，但又无法让他停下来。他好像比谁都懂得多，错误似乎也不会发生在他身上。在他讲话时，若有人反对他，他就会同他争个没完。在说服你之前，他绝不会放弃一个话题，不管它是多么的不重要。
一天晚上，我们坐在医生的桌旁，凯兰达仍像以往一样在滔滔不绝地说着。在座的还有在神户的美国领事馆工作的拉姆齐和他的夫人。
拉姆齐是一个很结实的家伙，皮肤绷得紧紧的，略显肥胖的肚子使衣服凸起。这次他是带着妻子重返神户的。他的妻子已独自一人在纽约呆了一年。拉姆齐夫人的样子十分可爱。虽然她丈夫的工资不怎么高，她穿得也很简朴，但她知道怎样穿她的衣服，使她具有超过一般女人的迷人之处。这是一种端庄淑静的美。
看得出拉姆齐很讨厌凯兰达。他们时时争论一番，这种争论是长时间的，激烈的。
这时，话题谈到精明的日本人正在进行的人工养殖珍珠。凯兰达给我们讲了许多关于珍珠的事。我相信拉姆齐对此知道的不会很多，但他绝不会放过任何反驳凯兰达的机会。不一会儿，我们就被卷入了一场充满火药味的争吵。刚开始，凯兰达还是情绪激昂，滔滔不绝，但不久，他自己也有点厌烦了。最后，他显然是被拉姆齐的一句话刺痛了，敲着桌子叫道：
“我可以告诉你，在这方面我是最有发言权的。我这次到日本就是去洽谈珍珠生意的。没有哪一个懂这一行的人不会认为我刚才所说的都是千真万确的。”他得意洋洋地看着周围的人。“我知道所有珍珠的行情，没有哪一种珍珠我不能马上辨认出。”他指着拉姆齐夫人戴的项链，“夫人，你的这串珍珠项链就非常值钱，并且它的价格还在上涨。”
拉姆齐夫人的脸红了，她把那项链轻轻塞进她的衣服。
“你说这是天然珍珠吗？”拉姆齐好像已经抓住了凯兰达的什么把柄。
“是的，这种珍珠非常精致。”凯兰达答道。
“好。虽然这不是我买的，但我想知道，你认为它值多少钱？”
“在一般的市场要1．5万美元，但在美国最繁华的第五街，1．3万美元也能买得到。”拉姆齐冷笑起来。
“这是我夫人离开纽约前在一家百货商店里买的，只花了18美元。”
凯兰达的脸一下子涨得通红。
“胡说，这珍珠不但是真的，而且是我所知道的几种中最好的一种。”
“你敢打赌吗？我要用100美元和你打赌这是仿制品。”拉姆齐怂恿道。
“可以。”
“不，拉姆齐，你怎么能拿一件事实和人打赌呢？”拉姆齐夫人劝阻道。
“为什么不呢？如果放弃这样一个轻易能弄到钱的机会，那才是一个傻瓜。”
“但你也不能证明它是仿制品呀？”
“把它拿给我看一看，我就知道它的真假。”凯兰达说道。
“亲爱的，把它拿给这位先生看看。”
拉姆齐夫人犹豫着，她的两手紧握在一起，好像还在考虑着什么。
拉姆齐等得不耐烦了，他走过来亲手把项链解了下来，递给了凯兰达。
我预感到一件不幸的事要发生了。
凯兰达拿出一个放大镜，仔细地观察起来。不一会，一丝胜利的微笑闪现在他的脸上。当他把项链递给拉姆齐正准备开口说话时，忽然看见拉姆齐夫人的脸是那样的白，好像她马上就会晕过去。她的眼睛看着凯兰达，那是一种绝望的哀求。我很奇怪，拉姆齐没有看到这些。
凯兰达半张着嘴，半天都没有说出话。我看得出他在努力改变着什么。
“我错了，”最后他说道，“这是一个非常好的仿制品，18美元正合适。”
他从钱包里拿出100美元递给拉姆齐，没有再说一句话。
“也许这能教会你以后不要太自以为是了。”拉姆齐得意洋洋。
我注意到凯兰达的手在发抖。
这件事很快在全船传开了，凯兰达不得不忍受着别人的戏弄和嘲笑。对“万事通”先生来说，这确实是一个笑话。但是，拉姆齐夫人再也没有出来过，据说她有点头痛。
三
第二天早上，我起来正在刮脸，凯兰达躺在床上抽雪茄。忽然一阵嘟嘟嘟嘟的声音，一封信从门下塞了进来。我打开门，外面没有任何人。我捡起信封，上面用印刷字体写着“给凯兰达”。
我把信递给了他：
“哪里来的？”
他打开信封。“哦？”拿出的不是信，而是一张100美元的钞票。
他看了我一眼，然后把信封撕成碎片从舱口扔了出去。
“没有谁愿意被别人看成是一个傻瓜。”他说。
“那珍珠是真的吗？”我问道。
“如果我有一个漂亮的妻子的话，我绝不会让她一个人在纽约呆一年。”他拿出钱包，把100美元放了进去。
这时，我觉得我不是那么不喜欢凯兰达了。
