求高中英语程度的短文或者笑话
发布网友
发布时间：2022-04-20 17:59
共5个回答
热心网友
时间：2023-07-10 05:40
1.Question:What did zero say to eight when they meet on the street?
Answer:Nice belt.
问题：当0和8在街上碰到时，0会对8说啥？
回答：腰带不错嘛！
2.Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replies,"Yes, Why?" "I just bit my tongue."
两条蛇在唠嗑，一跳转过头问：我们是有毒的吧》另一条回答：对啊，怎么啦？“我刚要到自己舌头。”
3.A child says,"Mom,when I was on the us with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "Well, you've done the right thing,"says mommy. "But I was sitting on daddy's lap!"
一个小孩跟妈妈讲：早上我和爸爸坐公车时他让我给一个女的让座。妈妈说：你做得很对啊！孩子接着说：可是那时我正坐在爸爸的大腿上……
4.A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, waht's the bad news?"asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible", said the patient."How can any news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
大夫告诉病人：我有一个坏消息和一个更坏的消息。病人问道：坏消息是啥？大夫说：你只能活不超过24个小时。病人说“天啊，太可怕了！有什么能比这个还糟糕？”大夫说：“我从昨儿就一直想联系你来着…”
Passage:很moving的一篇文章…就算你不采纳，我也希望能来光顾的人都看到这篇文章…其实不看中文也可以理解的。
Love is a thread（爱是一根线）
Sometimes I really doubt whether there is love between my parents. Every day they are very busy trying to earn money in order to pay the high tuition for my brother and me. They don’t act in the romantic ways that I read in books or I see on TV. In their opinion, “I love you” is too luxurious for them to say. Sending flowers to each other on Valentine’s Day is even more out of the question. Finally my father has a bad temper. When he’s very tired from the hard work, it is easy for him to lose his temper.
One day, my mother was sewing a quilt. I silently sat down beside her and looked at her.
“Mom, I have a question to ask you,” I said after a while.
“What?” she replied, still doing her work.
“Is there love between you and Dad?” I asked her in a very low voice.
My mother stopped her work and raised her head with surprise in her eyes. She didn’t answer immediately. Then she bowed her head and continued to sew the quilt.
I was very worried because I thought I had hurt her. I was in a great embarrassment and I didn’t know what I should do. But at last I heard my mother say the following words:
“Susan,” she said thoughtfully, “Look at this thread. Sometimes it appears, but most of it disappears in the quilt. The thread really makes the quilt strong and rable. If life is a quilt, then love should be a thread. It can hardly be seen anywhere or anytime, but it’s really there. Love is inside.”
I listened carefully but I couldn’t understand her until the next spring. At that time, my father suddenly got sick seriously. My mother had to stay with him in the hospital for a month. When they returned from the hospital, they both looked very pale. It seemed both of them had had a serious illness.
After they were back, every day in the morning and sk, my mother helped my father walk slowly on the country road. My father had never been so gentle. It seemed they were the most harmonious couple. Along the country road, there were many beautiful flowers, green grass and trees. The sun gently glistened through the leaves. All of these made up the most beautiful picture in the world.
The doctor had said my father would recover in two months. But after two months he still couldn’t walk by himself. All of us were worried about him.
“Dad, how are you feeling now?” I asked him one day.
“Susan, don’t worry about me.” he said gently. “To tell you the truth, I just like walking with your mom. I like this kind of life.” Reading his eyes, I know he loves my mother deeply.
Once I thought love meant flowers, gifts and sweet kisses. But from this experience, I understand that love is just a thread in the quilt of our life. Love is inside, making life strong and warm..
有时候，我真的怀疑父母之间是否有真爱。他们天天忙于赚钱，为我和弟弟支付学费。他们从未像我在书中读到，或在电视中看到的那样互诉衷肠。他们认为“我爱你”太奢侈，很难说出口。更不用说在情人节送花这样的事了。我父亲的脾气非常坏。经过一天的劳累之后，他经常会发脾气。
一天，母亲正在缝被子，我静静地坐在她旁边看着她。
过了一会，我说：“妈妈，我想问你一个问题。”
“什么问题？”她一边继续缝着，一边回答道。
我低声地问道：“你和爸爸之间有没有爱情啊？”
母亲突然停下了手中的活，满眼诧异地抬起头。她没有立即作答。然后低下头，继续缝被子。
我担心伤害了她。我非常尴尬，不知道该怎么办。不过，后来我听见母亲说：“苏珊，看看这些线。有时候，你能看得见，但是大多数都隐藏在被子里。这些线使被子坚固耐用。如果生活就像一床被子，那么爱就是其中的线。你不可能随时随地看到它，但是它却实实在在地存在着。爱是内在的。”
我仔细地听着，却无法明白她的话，直到来年的春天。那时候，我父亲得了重病。母亲在医院里待了一个月。当他们从医院回来的时候，都显得非常苍白。就像他们都得了一场重病一样。
他们回来之后，每天的清晨或黄昏，母亲都会搀扶着父亲在乡村的小路上漫步。父亲从未如此温和过。他们就像是天作之合。在小路旁边，有许多美丽的野花、绿草和树木。阳光穿过树叶的缝隙，温柔地照射在地面上。这一切形成了一幅世间最美好的画面。
医生说父亲将在两个月后康复。但是两个月之后，他仍然无法独立行走。我们都很为他担心。
有一天，我问他：“爸爸，你感觉怎么样？”
他温和地说：“苏珊，不用为我担心。跟你说吧，我喜欢与你妈妈一块散步的感觉。我喜欢这种生活。”从他的眼神里，我看得出他对母亲的爱之深刻。
我曾经认为爱情就是鲜花、礼物和甜蜜的亲吻。但是从那一刻起，我明白了，爱情就像是生活中被子里的一根线。爱情就在里面，使生活变得坚固而温暖。
热心网友
时间：2023-07-10 05:40
Every students stand around the surgery table. The dead body lie there covering by a big white blanket.
The professor starts teaching " To be a good doctor, there are two important things that everyone of you have to keep in mind. The first one is NEVER FEEL DISGUSTING WITH THE BODY"
The professor then open the blanket and slowly poke his finger deeply to the dead body's anus, spin the finger and suck it right in front of the students.
The professor said to everyone "do it Hurry!"
The students are all feeling very disgusting with the bizarre example but they all decide to do it just to satisfy the professor.
After everyone is done, the professor strongly stare at everyone and said out loud.
"Well, the second important thing for being a good doctor is that "BE OBSERVANT." If you noticed it you would see that I poke my middle finger in the anus but suck my index finger!!"
很恶心，但是很有意义的~~
但愿你看得明白~
热心网友
时间：2023-07-10 05:41
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
短文
My family
I love my family, because I have a happy family. My father is an English teacher. His name is Jacky. He is thirty-eight. He likes playing basketball. What’s my mother job? Is she a teacher? Yes, you’re right! My mother is very kind and nice, she is thirty-seven. My mother is always laborious work. I love my parents! On Saturday and Sunday, I often go to the library and play the piano, My father go to play basketball. Sometimes, we watch TV and listen to music at home. I love my family. Because I’m very happy to live with my parents together!
我的家庭 我爱我的家庭,因为我有一个快乐的家庭. 我的爸爸是一名英语教师,他的名字叫Jacky.他今年38岁.他非常喜欢打篮球.我的妈妈是赶什么呢?她是一名教师吗?是的.你说对了!我的妈妈是一个很亲切、友善的人,她今年37岁.我妈妈总是勤劳的干活.我爱我的父母. 在星期六和星期天里,我经常去图书馆和弹钢琴.我爸爸去打篮球.有时侯,我们都在家看电视和听音乐. 我爱我家.因为我和爸爸妈妈一起生活得很开心!
My Room
This is my room. Near the window there is a desk. I often do my homework at it. You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen. On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat. There is a clock above the end of my bed. I usually put my shoe under my bed. Of course there is a chair in front of the desk. I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.
我的房间
这是我的房间。 在窗口附近有一张书桌。 我经常在那做我的家庭作业。 您能看有些书，有些花在花瓶里，一把格尺和笔。 在墙壁在书桌有猫的图片。 有一个时钟在我的床上的末端。 我通常把我的鞋子放在我的床下。 当然有一把椅子在书桌前面。 我坐那里，并且我能看外面的树和路
Skating
Mom bought me a pair of skating shoes at my fifth birthday. From then on, I developed the hobby of skating. It not only makes me stronger and stronger, but also helps me know many truths of life. I know that it is normal to fall, and if only you can get on your feet again and keep on moving, you are very good!
滑冰
妈妈买了我一双冰鞋鞋子在我的第五个生日。 从那时起，我爱好滑冰。 它不仅使我越来越加强，而且帮助我知道生活许多真谛。 我知道摔倒是正常的，并且，如果只有你能摔倒后再站起来，就是非常好!
The Sea
What do you know about the sea? Some people know about it, but others don’t. The sea looks beautiful on a fine sunny day, the sea is very big. In the world, there is more sea than land. Do you know Hainan Island? It’s really very nice. We can see beaches, trees and the sea. We can swim and visit a lot of beautiful places.
海
你对海知道些什么？ 某些人知道关于它，但其他不。 海看起来美丽在一个美好的晴天，海是非常大的。 在世界上，比土地有更多海。 您是否知道海南岛？ 那非常好。 我们能看海滩、树和海。 我们可以游泳和参观很多美好的地方。
Computers
Computers are changing our life. You can do a lot of things with a computer. Such as, you can use a computer to write articles, watch video CDs, play games and do office work. But the most important use of a computer is to join the Internet.We don’t need to leave home to borrow books from a library or to do shopping in a supermarket.
Computers help us live a more convenient life.
计算机
计算机改变我们的生活。 您能做很多事用计算机。 例如，您能使用计算机写文章，手表录影CDs，戏剧比赛和完成办公室工作。 但对计算机的最重要的用途是加入Internet.我们不需要离开家去从图书馆借用书或在超级市场做购物。
计算机帮助我们居住更加方便的生活。
Smiling
I think smiling is as important as sunshine. Smiling is like sunshine because it can make people happy and have a good day. If you aren’t happy, you can smile, and then you will feel happy. Someone may say, “But I don’t feel happy.” Then I would say, “Please smile as you do when you are happy or play with your friends happily. You will really be happy again.”
Smiling can let you have more friends.So I say, smiling is like a flower. It will give you happiness.
微笑
我认为微笑是一样重要的象阳光。 微笑是象阳光，因为它可能使人愉快和有一个早晨好。 如果您不是愉快的，您能微笑，您然后将感觉愉快。 某人也许说， “但是我不感到愉快”。 然后我会说， “请微笑，您，当您愉快地是愉快或戏剧与您的朋友。 您真正地再将是愉快的”。
微笑可能让您有更多朋友。如此我说，微笑是象花。 它将给您幸福。
Sunday
It was Sunday and I didn't have to go to school. I finished my homework the day before. So I decided to help mother do housework. I washed some clothes after I got up. Then I went shopping with a basket. I bought some meat, eggs and some vegetables in the market. After I came back, I started to cook dinner for the whole family. In the evening, I sat at the table and began to write down on my notebook what I had done ring the day.
星期天
它是星期天，并且我没有必须去学校。 我前一天完成了我的家庭作业。 如此我决定帮助做家事。 在我起来了之后，我洗了一些衣裳。 然后我带着篮子去购物。 我在市场上买了一些肉、蛋和有些菜。 在我回来了之后，我开始为全家烹调晚餐。 在晚上，我在我的笔记本写下什么我白天做了什么。
春天：Spring
Spring is a delightful season. The temperatures are moderate, and the blooming trees and flowers make the city bright with colors. This is the time when we can begin to wear lighter and more brightly colored clothes and go outdoors more often. Smaller children like to bring their kites out to the spacious square. Also I enjoy going back to the village on this holiday after being in the city for the winter months.
春天是个让人欣喜的季节.气温适中,挂满绿叶的树和盛开的花朵给城市增添了明亮的色彩.在这个时节里,我们可以穿上轻便靓丽的衣服经常出门去了.小孩子们则喜欢在广阔的天空中放风筝.在城里呆了一个冬天之后,我也喜欢回到村子里度假.
夏天：
Summer is the great season for all sports in the open air. It is the season for football which is often called the national sport because of its popularity. I usually watch television and read the newspaper reports about the football results of the little leagues. During the summer I like to go to the beach often because it is very close to my home. I usually go there ring the summer vacation to relax after many months in school in the city. I feel very comfortable with the familiar quiet life of the villagers.
夏天是户外运动最好的季节.这是一个橄榄球的季节,橄榄球由于广受欢迎被称为全*动.我常常看电视,看报纸,从报道中获得小联盟橄榄球赛的比赛结果.夏日里,我喜欢经常去海滩,因为那里离我家不远.在城里的学校呆了几个月后,暑假我常常去那里放松一下.此处有我很熟悉的村民们的宁静生活,这让我倍感舒适.
秋天：Autumn
For me the autumn or fall starts in September when school starts its new term. I usually do some shopping. The mild weather made it very nice to study outside under the trees in a small park close to my house. I like to look up the leaves changing colors from green to red and yellow, and then brown colors. The park also has many bright fall flowers; sometimes I see a small squirrel coming down from the tree to hunt for food on the ground. On the weekends, I sometimes like to fly my kite. Usually on the street corners you can see street peddlers selling warm baked sweet potatoes. This is a nice time of the year.
我觉得秋天是在9月份新学期开始的时候来临.我常常要去买一些东西.宜人的天气让我感觉在离家不远的小公园的树下学习是件非常惬意的事.我喜欢抬起头看蓍枝头上的树叶由绿变红,变黄,然后再变褐.公园里还有许多鲜艳的秋花.有时我会见到小松鼠从树上跳到地上觅食.在周末,我有时会去放风筝.在街头的拐角处,常常会有街头小贩在卖烤红薯.秋天是一年中的好时节.
冬天：Winter
Winter is very cold and windy in most parts of China. I usually look forward to the Spring Festival and the winter holiday when I can go to the south where the climate is warmer ring these holidays. Also, I look forward to seeing my grandparents and my friends. Winter is the time everyone is in a festive mood. In the city, I usually do a lot of reading at home in the winter because of eh cold weather outside.
中国大部分地区的冬天是即冷又有风的。我总是盼望着春节或寒假，到时候我就可以去南方了，当地的气候在这时会暖和的多。我也盼望着去探望我的祖父母和我的朋友。冬天，每个人都怀着喜庆的心情。在城里，冬天的时候我经常待在家里尽情地看书，因为外面的天气非常的冷
参考资料：http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/130001772.html?si=3
热心网友
时间：2023-07-10 05:41
saw him dangling from the ceiling. Being frightened,
he called the nurse to come and pull him down for
fear that the man might fall to his death. The nurse
said: "Doctor, every day this patient thinks that he
is a lamp, therefore, he often hangs from the ceiling!"
The doctor said: "No, you have to pull him
down at once; otherwise, he'll die if he falls down."
After a pause, the nurse answered:
"But the light will go out after I pull him down!
中文翻译如下：
一家智障的病院里，医师走进一个病人的房间，
发现病人正吊在天花板上晃来晃去，医师怕病人
会摔死，叫*赶紧把病人拉下来。*说：
「医生，这个病人每天都认为自己是一盏灯，
所以常常把自己吊在天花板上。」
医师说：「不行，你还是得马上把他拉下来，
免得他摔死。」*停顿了一下，
说：「可是，如果我把他拉下来，灯不就熄了吗？
热心网友
时间：2023-07-10 05:42
