英语笑话(5篇)短一点
发布网友
发布时间：2022-04-26 23:05
共4个回答
热心网友
时间：2022-06-19 17:42
30[ 标签：英语,笑话 ] 急 绚丽玫瑰 回答:14 人气:14 解决时间:2009-03-14 22:03 检举
今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 我说：“我不知道” 老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍) 老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 我说：是“我知道“ 老妈：知道就快说。 我说：就是“我知道“ 老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ 我说：就是我知道呀！ 老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍) 老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~?“ 我:“我很烦,别烦我“ 老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ “我没听清,再说一次“ 结果被扁 老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“ 我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 我说:“查字典“ “查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 我说:“你最好问别人“ “你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ “啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!” “耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“ 我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ “臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” “嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”小洋人 回答采纳率:33.3% 2009-03-14 22:01 检举绚丽玫瑰的感言：
呵呵 你觉得这个答案好不好？
好(13)不好(1)
1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。" 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny",then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 4)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 5)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的*也这么转了。 呵呵
热心网友
时间：2022-06-19 17:42
迪尼斯之旅(中英)
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction. After three exhausting days，we headed for home.
佛罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。筋疲力尽地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。
As we drove away, our son waved and said : "good bye，Mickey.”
当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥着手说道:“再见，米奇!”
Our daughter waved and said, "goodbye, Minnie.”
女儿挥着手说道:“再见，美妮。”
My husband waved, rather weakly，and said : "goodbye , money.”
丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道:“再见，美元。”
(二)
生财有道(中英)
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”
母亲决定尽可能地减少家务开支，于是她自己洗衣服，而不把衣服送到干洗店去干洗了。母亲很得意自己的节约之道，对父亲自夸道:“弗雷德，你想想，我们又增加了五块钱的积累，因为我自己动手洗的这些衣服。”
"Good，”my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!”
“好啊!”我父亲立即答道:“那就再洗一遍。”
短一点英语笑话带翻译欣赏
(三)
祖先(中英)
The lady was trying to impress those at the party. "My family’s ancestry is very old ,” she said, "it dates back to the days of King John of England.” Then turning to a lady sitting quietly in a corner she asked condescendingly, "How old is your family, my dear?"
有一位女士想给参加聚会的人们留下深刻的印象，于是就说道:“我的家族非常古老，它能一直追溯到英王约翰时期。”然后，她转过身对着一位娴静地坐在角落里的女士居高临下地问道:“亲爱的，你们家族有多老?”
"Well,” said the woman with a quiet smile，"I can’t really say. All our family records were lost in the flood.”
“关于这个，”那位女士淡然一笑，说道:“我也说不清。我们的家族志在诺亚时代的大洪水中丢了。”
(四)
为钟表加油(中英)
There was a football game on TV last Saturday evening. 'The game was between a Spanish team and an Italian team. I sat in front of the TV at 7 o' clock, when the game just began. An hour later, my wife came to join me. She seemed to be absent-minded while she was watching the game. As the time clock showed one minute, forty一two seconds left in the game, she began cheering enthusiastically, "come on一get going”Since she had never been a football fan，I looked at her in surprise and asked which team she was cheering for. "Neither,” she replied. "I' m cheering the time clock on.”
上周六晚上电视上有场足球赛，是西班牙队对意大利队。七点钟，球赛刚刚开始，我就坐到了电视机前。一个小时后，我的妻子也过来和我一起看球。她看的时候仿佛心不在焉。当记时器显示比赛还剩一分四十二秒时，她开始异常的热情起来，“加油，快!”因为她从来就不是个球迷，我吃惊地望着她，问她为哪个球队加油。“哪个也不为，”她答道，“我在给钟表加油。”
（五）问路(中英)
Vacationing in Milan，my friend Chad was counting on seeing Leonardo da Vinci’s famous painting" The Last Supper”. With only vague directions, he soon became lost Questioning pedestriansdidn'thelp,sinceChadspoke no Italian.
在米兰度假期间，我的朋友查特期望能看一眼达·芬奇的杰作“最后的晚餐”。因为不是很清楚具体的位置，他很快就迷了路。他不会说意大利语，所以也无法询问行人。
As a last resort，he sketched the well-known scene of Jesus and the 12 apostles and showed the drawing to passers-by，asking help in finding his way. Twice the directions he received led him to nearby restaurants.
查特使出了最后一招，他粗略地画了一下人人皆知的耶稣和十二个弟子在一起的场面，把它递给了路人，请求帮助。有两次他按所指的路来到了附近的餐馆。
热心网友
时间：2022-06-19 17:43
A Jewish guy rings his mother. She picks up the phone and says 'Hello'.
He says 'Hi, how are you?'
'Fine', she says.
'Sorry', he says, 'I must have the wrong number'.
热心网友
时间：2022-06-19 17:43
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
The Importance of the English Punctuation Marks
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
I must have the wrong numbers
A Jewish guy rings his mother. She picks up the phone and says 'Hello'.
He says 'Hi, how are you?'
'Fine', she says.
'Sorry', he says, 'I must have the wrong number'.
An American actress came to China for the first time. One day when she was looking for her new Chinese friend after a performance, she came across an anxious Chinese who had always wanted to practice his English with native speakers, but had never found the chance. When he saw the actress, he went up and exchanged greetings, then started his practice.
“How old are you?”
“I’m sorry. Please don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actress said uneasily.
“How much do you earn each month?” the Chinese tried hard to recall this sentence from his textbook.
“Sorry again. We don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again refused to answer.
“Have you had lunch?” the Chinese tried again to show his traditional way of greeting.
“No, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surprise
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
